I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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