You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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