and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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