when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Terrible idea I love it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
