How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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