We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize