I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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