obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize