i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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