I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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