also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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