is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
