Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
