So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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