One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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