Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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