omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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