i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
