I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
