I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
