margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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