I love black thongs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
