If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
