Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
