I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize