on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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