ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Randomize
