We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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