You're my little dorito
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
