So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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