Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
