I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
