I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
