Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
