I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
