I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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