Yo dont text me then not text me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
