Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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