Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
