dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
