So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just gargled with NyQuil
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
