The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
