i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
