omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize