only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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