Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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