The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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