i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
