My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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