please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
