why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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