What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
