I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
