hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize