I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
