You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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