Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
