i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
