I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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