sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
