i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
