I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
