This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
