Where is the hickey?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
