i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
