You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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