I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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