were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
