There is no way he is gay with that hair.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
