the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
