After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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