How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
