addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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