I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
never play flip cup with pint glasses
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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