Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
