I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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