Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
