Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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