did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
