Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize