Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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