so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
