I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
