My nipple is on Facebook.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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