how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
