I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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